Church-Goers Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

More churches around the country are taking their fight against pandemic restrictions to court, contending that they are violations of their religious liberty.

The latest in a long series of legal challenges, new suits filed by clerics in California and Minnesota seek to allow their parishioners to return to regular indoor services and get to heaven as soon as possible.

"These sacrilegious, unconstitutional edicts have gone on long enough. People need to worship, and there's nothing good left to watch on TV," Jefferey Hogan, a pastor in Visalia, California argued.

"There's only so much Game Show Network people can stand," Hogan went on. "Parishioners are reporting having seen the same episode of Family Feud as many as four times. The one with that blind man who doesn't wear glasses. It's terrible. And this is Visalia, so it's not like there was ever anything else to do."

One regular church-goer claimed that she speaks for many others when she says that she doesn't mind risking her life to return to regular services.

"Honestly, I'm ready to go," said the woman. "If I have to watch one more rerun of America Says, I'll lose my freaking mind. Lord, take me now!"