Don't Say Algebra: DeSantis Bans Math

One day after rejecting from state classrooms dozens of math books on the grounds they contain leftist propaganda, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis went one step further this morning by banning the teaching of math altogether.

In a move that will likely resonate with his base as well as most school-age children, DeSantis questioned both the need and legitimacy of arithmetic to justify his decision.

"For decades, liberal math book writers have not only been giving us problems – hundreds and thousands of problems – but then tell us how we should solve them. Well, no more," DeSantis remarked.

"For example, what if Carol has two buckets of lemons containing a dozen lemons each and wants to give Carmen one-third of all her lemons? How about if instead Carmen gets a job to buy her own lemons? Preferably back in the country she comes from?" DeSantis posed.

"Regardless, Carmen should pay for these lemons. We're still not a socialist country, last time I checked," the governor added.

A spokesman from the Florida Department of Education later revealed that the time not spent in class learning math will be devoted to learning self-defense from all the homeless people Democrats are letting take over the streets.