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Confused, Debt-Ridden Trump Agrees to Sell Yellowstone Ranch

An evidently confused President Trump announced to members of the media today that he will accept an offer on a ranch in Yellowstone that he doesn't own in order to settle his many outstanding debts.

Wearing a cowboy hat and boots, the uncharacteristically disconsolate Trump spoke in a gravelly voice resembling that of John Dutton - the main character in the Kevin Costner drama Yellowstone, of which he is apparently a fan - in describing his plan to resolve his financial obligations with the sale of 50,000 acres of fictional land for $500 million to Market Equities, a make believe real estate development company.

"For seven generations the Trumps have worked this land. Raising cattle and riding horses around. Mending barbed wire fences. We even defeated a plot by the evil Beck brothers who kidnapped my grandson Tate and beat up my daughter Beth. But I suppose this is the way of the modern world," Trump said.

"Its sad. I promised my father I'd never sell," Trump went on, gazing off into the distance. "But if that's what these people want, to build an airport and carve this country into little ranchettes and second homes, so be it. I'll have my son Jamie draw up the papers."

Trump, who reportedly actually owes more than $1 billion to lenders, declined to take any questions, citing his need to attend to a matter involving his other son Kayce.

"Kayce needs me. Something to do with some meth junkies stealing horses to fund their sex slave business," he said.

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