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President Trump Dominates Battlespace at DC-Area Farmers' Market
BETHESDA, MD - President Trump flexed his military muscle over the American people yesterday, dominating the battlespace at a Washington DC-area farmers' market with the Army's 4th Motorized Division.
Commencing at 0900 hours per the President's own tweet, the assault against the gathering of local residents buying and selling fruits, vegetables and organic personal care products reportedly cleared the market in mere seconds, leaving it a shattered landscape of ruined tables, canopies and crushed melons as people ran for their lives from the blitz of armored tanks and infantry.
"I was sampling a lovely green tomato chutney from one of our local jammers when I heard this terrible grinding noise, and suddenly the vegan soap booth beside me just exploded from a tank crashing through it," one woman described the chaos that injured dozens, including a 68 year-old man who was clubbed over the head trying to defend his farm fresh eggs and cabbages.
"It was crazy. There were smashed strawberries and eggplants everywhere. I'll never forget the look on the face of the juice cleanse salesman standing amidst all those broken bottles," another woman remarked.
Meanwhile, Trump hailed the razing of the market as a tremendous victory.
"Big Big win for law and order today! US Army 1, Antifa 0! Losers never saw that coming!!" the President tweeted.
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