Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

HappyNews.com Offices Burn in Wildfire

Digital media outlet HappyNews.com announced that it has suspended indefinitely all publishing after its offices were burned in a wildfire.

Dedicated to a focus on lifting the spirits of its readership during today's troubled times, the site appears to have been dealt a fatal blow by what officials described as an "inferno cyclone" that left its headquarters a ruin of smoldering ash yesterday.

"We gave it a good fight I guess, but ultimately it was all bulls**** anyway," the site's Founder and Editor Robert Lindauer commented. "For example, one of the last stories we were working on was about an elderly woman isolated because of COVID who found companionship from a rescue kitten. Real heartwarming. Until the kitten died of asthma aggravated by all the wildfire smoke and the woman hanged herself."

"The world is s***," added Lindauer. "Really, I can't envision there being anymore HappyNews after this. There is only s***."

Lindauer went on to extend his gratitude to those who have patronized his website over the years, before calling them "idiots".

"I guess I should thank them for paying my bills these past few years, but honestly, they're idiots. What's the point? If someone wants to do something positive, they should do like that old woman and kill themselves."

Read More

    Trump Warns of Extreme Heat, Fire if Biden Elected

    FDA Head Eric Trump Touts New Un-Inactivated COVID-19 Vaccine