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First Kanye-Pressure Cooker Debate Ends in Draw
The first in possibly a series of debates between presidential candidate Kanye West and his Ninja Foodie Deluxe Multi-Cooker reportedly ended in a draw last night after a spirited 2 hour-long exchange.
Recorded by West himself, the footage begins with the candidate addressing the 9-in-1 multi-cooker while attempting to prepare an "Irish Stew" from a combination of lasagna noodles, Ragu, ricotta cheese and Italian seasoning, calling the machine a "Chinese piece of s***."
"Bitch-ass ninja piece of s***. I'm a samurai, rolling like Kurosawa ending n****** lives, making America great again," he stated while attempting to operate the device's pressure cooker function.
"You a f***** baby killer. You gonna steal all our kids and make them sweatshop iPhones and s***. You gonna kill Jesus," he rebutted after the Foodie Deluxe prompted him to insert the pot required to initiate his selected program.
"I'm gonna lock you up. First thing I get into office after I bomb the f*** out of Africa is to lock your ass up," West declared then, responding to the Foodie Deluxe's second prompt to, "Insert Pot."
"Ninja b**** wanna make us all slaves again like Harriet Tubman after the Civil War," West later accused the cooker, heralding a 40-minute diatribe about the reconstruction era that described a society controlled by shape-shifting extraterrestrials.
"Ulysses S. Grant came from m*****-f****** Neptune. That's why he don't have no dick. They don't need that s***," he posited.
As of press time, West's post has received over 2 million views from people who enjoy watching mentally ill people publicly unravel.
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