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FBP: Early Release of Mass Shooters Needed to Make Room for More Mass Shooters

The Justice Department announced today that hundreds of convicted mass shooters will be offered the opportunity for early release from fedderal prison as the government struggles to accommodate a steady stream of new rampage killers into the system.

According to Federal Bureau of Prisons spokesman Kendall Sherfield, eligibility for the program will factor time served with the number of counts of murder the prisoner was convicted of as well as his record of behavior while incarcerated.

"For example, an inmate who only killed seven or eight people back in the 90s," Sherfield said. "Or possibly someone more recent but with an even lower body count who has been a model prisoner."

One such individual, Michael Cristopher Boyd, who killed 2 and wounded 18, including himself, outside of a Philadelphia synagogue in 2007, claims he would make the most of such an opportunity.

"I would definitely do better next time," pledged Boyd.

Meanwhile, per the official criteria since released by the FBP, an independent analysis has determined that the program might trim between 700-900 mass shooters from the federal prison population, a figure that pales to the number of new shooters being sentenced each year across the US.

"Granted, this is just a drop in the bucket, but something has to be done," said Sherfield.

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