Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

Moral, Upstanding Republican Candidate Causing GOP Concern

Rick Huggins, a lifetime public servant and decorated combat veteran, is all but certain to run for Senate in Virginia next year, a prospect that is keeping some within the GOP up at night.

Literally a Boy Scout, Huggins earned his Eagle Badge in 1999 before being awarded the Silver Star for his service during the Iraq War in 2004, and unlike most recent congressional Republican candidates, has no record of criminality or personal scandal.

"This guy is spotless. He's never killed anyone he wasn't allowed to, he doesn't hang around shopping malls, and according to legal records, his only wife has never filed a single restraining order against him. This is a real problem," one GOP operative remarked anonymously.

Echoed by many, the sentiment that Huggins can't be trusted is growing within Republican circles.

"Someone of such unimpeachable integrity, someone who hasn't ever recruited an underage girl for a commercial sex act or embezzled money from their own campaign funds, someone who hasn't been accused of even one count of mail fraud, a guy like this is trouble," another Republican official commented.

Still, emphasizing that the most important transgressions committed by anyone holding public office are the ones nobody yet knows about, Republican strategists are hopeful they will find something terrible in Huggins' past.

"We're going to keep digging, and God willing, Mr. Huggins isn't so perfect after all," promised the official. "We need to be sure that he'll be willing to do the wrong thing."

Read More

    Your Venn Guide to Not Committing Cultural Appropriation

    Taliban Issues Edict Banning Men from Wearing Clothes