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Non-Pussy Drowns in Own Fluids Like Real Man

Liberty Tree Tavern owner Benjamin Pegg has died of an apparent respiratory ailment, the Laramie County Coroner reported yesterday.

Pegg, a non-pussy who spent his last days fighting government overreach by forbidding patrons from wearing protective masks inside his bar, reportedly drowned in his own fluids like a real man.

"Ben didn't hide from nothing. He wasn't gonna cut and run like some b****. He went out swinging," Pegg's friend Jared McKay remarked.

Amended McKay: "Although I guess he was flat on his back gasping for air those last couple days. That wasn't too pretty."

Dismissing speculation that Pegg was a victim of COVID-19, his family denied that the virus even exists.

"He didn't die of Coronavirus because there ain't no such thing," Pegg's brother James coughed. "You gotta be a sheep double-dipped in s*** to believe that s***. That's some bulls*** the government made up to take our jobs."

Added Pegg: "In fact, my brother ain't even dead. He's just sleeping. Now get the f*** off my lawn!"

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