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Nailed It: Russia Declares Victory After Liberating Donbas Dance Hall

Just over seven weeks into its full-scale invasion of Ukraine, Russia has declared victory after liberating a community dance center near the country's eastern border.

Located on the outskirts of Riznyk, a predominately Russian village in the heavily contested Donbas region, the Sukhanov Oblast Regional Center for the Advancement of People's Cultural Enrichment has served as a cultural hub and favored hangout of local teens since its construction in 2016.

"Here is a place for the people to come to learn traditional Russian folk dance like khorovod, or the troika, where dancers imitate prancing of horses pulling a sled or carriage," Sergei Rudskoi, Head of the Russian General Staff, remarked.

"And now, thanks to achievement of primary objective of special military operation in Ukraine, people can continue in this," Rudskoi said.

Lauding his own forces' largely diversionary tactics in accomplishing its sole true aim, Rudskoi taunted the 'Ukrainian Nazis' who had designs to destroy the center.

"They had plans to demolish this wonderful place. They want to make way for Nazi elitist condominium buildings," he said. "But no way."

"This is what Russian Federation all about," Rudskoi continued. "We stand tall on principles, no matter the sacrifice. People have right to kozachok. People have right to tropak."

At the news that the community center had been saved, local townspeople reportedly broke out in prisyadka, the one where they squat with their arms crossed and kick out their legs.

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