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Santa Kills 2, Injures 12 in Department Store Mass Shooting

Three people are dead and a dozen more injured after a man working as a department store Santa Claus opened fire inside a Dallas-area shopping center Sunday.

The man, whose real identity is being withheld to protect children's belief in Santa, reportedly shot Mrs. Claus with an automatic rifle retrieved from a sack containing gift wrapped boxes and magazines of ammunition, then turned on shoppers and coworkers, wounding a child and several elves before being gunned down by a man working at a nearby Sunglasses Hut.

"I heard the shots and went into active shooter-mode," Andrew Kriedler, a local high school math teacher and veteran of two other mass shooting recalled killing Santa. "It was just instinct. I saw Santa going postal, pulled the glock I keep under the counter of the Sunglasses Hut, put two into his fat belly and another through his hat."

Despite a greater tragedy having been averted, authorities grappling for solutions to the soaring number of mass shootings around the country are growing frustrated.

"Thankfully this time someone was there to save the day, but it really makes you wonder what's happening in this country," Dallas Police Spokesman Lt. Joe Pittman remarked. "I mean, who goes to the mall to see Santa without at least packing a nine?"

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