|Home||World||National||Opinion||Local||Entertainment||Home And Garden||Advice||Farts And Giggles|
Santorum Presidential Exploratory Committee to Seek Time Portal to 1947
Rick Santorum has launched a presidential exploratory committee that will attempt to discover a way to travel back in time to the year 1947.
If successful, the former Pennsylvania Senator will likely announce his candidacy for the Republican nomination to oppose incumbent President Harry Truman in the 1948 election, Committee Chairman Donald Myers revealed.
"After careful analysis, we have identified the social climate occupied by the time and space preceding the 1948 election as being most conducive to Mr. Santorum's message, while the vulnerability of a relatively unpopular Truman would also enhance his chances of being elected president," Myers said.
Specifically, Myers pointed to the nation's deep-seated fear of the growing "Red Menace", as well as a stubbornly lingering ambivalence towards civil rights issues.
"Harry Stalin Truman says he wants to end segregation, lynching and racial discrimination at the polls," Myers charged. "But what's next? Gay marriage and ladies sports leagues?"
Myers went on to dispel any fears Americans of 68 years ago might have of a presidential candidate from the future.
"He looks, talks and dresses just like you," Myers assured. "You won’t even notice a difference."
|Man Protesting Man Beaten to Death by Police Beaten to Death by Police|
|Obese, Malodorous Boy Missing|
|Vacation Tips for Assholes|