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Super-Spreader Thanksgiving Mostly Spent Arguing

A Thanksgiving gathering in Willows Grove, Michigan that acted as a super-spreading event for the COVID-19 virus last week was reportedly spent "mostly bickering and arguing" by one family member who was there.

"It was stupid. I knew it was stupid, but no, 'Thanksgiving is a family tradition. We have to have stupid Thanksgiving'," 25 year-old Taylor Selby, one of 11 out of the 18 attendees of the holiday reunion who have since tested positive for the Coronavirus recounted, mockingly. "Great Grand Nana Rose probably doesn't have another Thanksgivings left. We have to have dumb, annoying Thanksgiving for Great Grand Nana Rose."

Added Selby, "Well, hey, guess what? Now we know that Great Grand Nana Rose won't have any more Christmases either, because she's got the fucking Coronavirus and will be dead by then."

According to Selby, the dinner turned out to definitely not be worth the risk.

"Our family holidays are usually spent arguing about politics and bull**** like that, so guess what happened in 2020 of all years? My crazy Uncle Rob and my gay Uncle Dave - who's actually the QAnon conservative one, that's how crazy he is - start in on the election, and how Trump's Hitler without any brains this, and how China hacked the voting machines in Maricopa County that, blab, blah, blah, while I'm eating a plate of dry turkey with a side of mashed potatoes that looked like yellow diarrhea because my cousin Portia liquified them in her Ninja as I inhale an invisible cloud of death virus," Selby described.

Still, despite Thanksgiving's tragic outcome, Selby reports that his family's plans for a multi-home Christmas are still on.

"We should all have herd immunity by now, my Mom says," he said. "What else could go wrong?"

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