Practical Sex Advice For Sound Relationships
With: Barbara Bush

Dear Barbara,

I'm 21, have been dating this new guy for about two months and am totally in love, except for one thing. My guy likes me to toss his salad, and normally I would be more than happy to oblige such a request (I actually really like the taste - usually), only in this case it smells and tastes really bad. I tried dropping subtle hints that he needs to keep things more clean, but the problem seems to have only gotten worse. The other day I actually found a piece of corn down there. Help!

Grossed Out In Georgia

Dear Grossed Out,
First of all, I think it's really neat to hear from a young couple who are willing to take it slow and get to know each other through wholesome activities such as cooking together. You wouldn't believe how many letters I get from girls younger than you who are already having sex with boyfriends they've been dating an even shorter period than two months. Specifically to the point of the issue you're grappling with, why don't you wash your boyfriend's produce yourself before preparing and tossing the salad? Then, if his roughage still isn't up to par, don't be shy about popping on down to the store for some fresh. If you're open and honest with your guy his feelings shouldn't be hurt. After all, it's not only a matter of good taste, but good health. And if you don't like corn, then tell your boyfriend and replace it with something else, like peas or garbanzo beans. It's called compromise, my dear. Bon appetit!

Dear Barbara,

My marriage of to my husband of four years has been relatively happy and healthy until an issue arose in the bedroom a few months ago. To put it bluntly, my husband has always liked to have his dick sucked, which is fine, only lately he's begun to shoot his load in my mouth without warning. Barbara, this bothers me not only because it's kind of gross (I've never been much of a swallower), but because I interpret the fact that he knows this and deliberately suppresses any sound of his impending orgasm in order to take me by surprise as a passive aggressive act, the implications of which I fear might allude to a much deeper problem lurking beneath the surface of our marriage. What do you think?

Sticky and Stuffed in Portland

Dear S&S,

Good heavens! Am I to understand that you're putting your husband's penis in your mouth? Don't you know that's what he pees out of?!! I strongly advise you cease this deviant practice immediately!

Dear Barbara,

I'm a 24 year-old guy, and I realize it's a little late for such epiphanies, but I'm starting to think I might be sexually attracted to men. I have a girlfriend who I really like and who I've never had any trouble getting it up to bang, but more and more I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be made love to by a man. I haven't actually been with a guy yet, but I have brought myself to orgasm thinking of men and to the occassional guy on guy porno. What do you think? Do you think I'm gay, or maybe just bi?

Ambivalent in Arkansas

Dear Ambivalent,

I think you have a serious mental condition. No offense, but the feelings you describe having sound very homosexual in nature. I would advise you seek spiritual guidance from your church, and if that should prove insufficient, commit yourself to the care of a mental health institution that specializes in special cases such as your's. P.S. - You're not really from Arkansas, are you? I've never heard of such a thing...