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Could Boston Bomber Have Been Aborted?

Amid the bleak news of the Boston Marathon and its dramatic aftermath, many have begun questioning whether the bombers could have been aborted.

Born in the Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic in 1986, Tamerlan Tsarnaev's mother would have had ample opportunity to abort the terrorist that was growing inside her, a new report shows.

"Russia actually had one of the highest abortion rates in the world during this time, and our investigation shows Tsarnaev's mother had a full nine months to suck Tamerlan out of her womb - but he somehow slipped through the cracks," Deputy Secretary of State Elliott Foster reported.

Foster indicated that culture may have played a significant role.

"Tamerlan was conceived in the Northern Caucasus – one part of the country where abortion is frowned upon by its ethnic minority Muslim population," Foster explained, "Still, you can't help wonder what wouldn't have been if this woman had simply scraped fetal Tamerlan out of her uterus and flushed him down the toilet."

In the case of the younger Tsarnaev brother Dzhokar, laws restricting abortion in his native Kyrgyzstan would have left his mother with no recourse other than trying to lasso the unborn terrorist from her womb with a coat hanger, an option many women find disagreeable.

"The tragic carriage to term of both the Tsarnaev brothers underscores the importance of encouraging women to terminate their pregnancies by providing them universal access to abortions that are as cheap and convenient as possible," Foster said.

Still, despite the recent carnage in Boston, Sandy Hook, Aurora and elsewhere, a sizable portion of the country still opposes the abortion of future terrorists, mass murderers and other children.

"I am pro-life and believe every unborn child deserves a chance to live," one woman explained, "Even if they do grow up to shoot people or bomb something or other."

 
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