War Criminal Dick Cheney Spotted in Maryland Park
American war criminal Dick Cheney was spotted by a local citizen in a Northport, Maryland park Saturday.
Cheney, a chief architect of the War in Iraq and an avowed purveyor of prisoner abuse and torture, was reportedly sitting on a bench, reading a newspaper and eating a banana.
"I couldn't believe my eyes," recounted the anonymous witness, "I commented on the pleasant weather we've been having and he told me to go fuck myself, so I'm pretty sure it was him."
The Baltimore Sun reported that public records indicate Cheney purchased a residence in Northport under the assumed name Richard Cheney in 2008.
In addition to the atrocities he is known to have committed while in power as Vice President of the United States, Cheney has been accused of war profiteering in the form of delivering lucrative government contracts to his former company Halliburton and its subsidiary Kellogg Brown and Root, and orchestrating international death squads.
Cheney's latest spotting comes on the heels of news that a security firm specializing in computerized identification technology confirmed that a man bearing a striking resemblance to the former Vice President who has appeared on several national television programs under the name "Dick Cheney" was indeed Dick Cheney.
Still, Cheney continues to elude capture.
"It's a pretty shrewd strategy, I guess," remarked Sun columnist Michael Kelly, "Sometimes the best place to hide is right out in the open."