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CIA: Chinese Hackers May Have Boosted Tennessee Governor-Elect Yang Zhipeng
The CIA issued a statement today that they are investigating evidence that the Chinese government intervened to help Tennessee Governor Elect Yang Zhipeng win that state's highest office in last November's election.
"It is our belief that the Chinese orchestrated a campaign of computer hacking designed to indirectly boost Zhipeng's electability by denigrating his opponents Sue Ellen Davis and Reuben Delbert," the statement partially read.
Meanwhile, Zhipeng, the former Knoxville-based fisherman whose outsider status and venomous anti-Chinese rhetoric helped propel him to the top of the race after it was revealed that Delbert was a gay Mexican and Davis was running as a Democrat, vehemently denied the claims.
"Ridiculess. Chinese people too stupid to be so clever! So stupid! Such bad driver! Gay Reuben and Mao Sue Ellen just jeless because they lose so bad!" Zhipeng remarked in a mid-day tweet.
"Waaah! Life no fair!!!" Zhipeng later added, "Fat Sue Ellen Davis has no hair. She bald! #FatBaldLoser."
Zhipeng, who has promised to bring millions of new manufacturing jobs to the Volunteer State after repealing all of its labor laws, says he still looks forward to making Tennessee, "Honky dorey again."
"Tennessee so goo!" he exalted. "Me governor long time!"
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