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Man Revived from Two-Year-Long Coma Begs to be Put Back Under
One week after being revived from the vegetative state in which he has spent the last two years, Brian Walcott of Columbus, Ohio has made one simple request of the medical miracle workers who brought him back from the abyss: "Put me back under."
Walcott, 32, who was left comatose by a car accident in 2015 but has since been reanimated by a new treatment known as 'vagus nerve stimulation', has reportedly asked to be awoken again in another three years.
"Brian is having a bit of a hard time adjusting. Especially regarding Trump," his sister Sara remarked. "It's all come as quite a shock."
Sara continued: "He spent the first few days thinking he must still be asleep and dreaming. Then, after we finally convinced him that he was awake and everything he was seeing and reading was really true, the first thing he wanted to do was go for a drive."
Still too weak to operate a car, Walcott did however manage to roll himself down a flight of stairs, fortunately only spraining his ankle.
"He's very upset. He just keeps asking, 'How could you?' and, 'What is wrong with you people?' over and over again," his sister said. "We have him in restraints now to keep him from hurting himself."
Most recently, upon reading about the President taking to the stump to complain about unnecessary roughness penalties ruining the sport of football, Walcott was heard to shout: "Seriously, are you fucking kidding me?!"
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