Report: Coronavirus Triggers Surge in Gun Sales, Deaths

Coronavirus-related fatalities continued to spike across the United States yesterday as three more Americans were shot to death after being mistaken for the potentially deadly virus.

The latest killings, which occurred in three separate incidents in three different states, bring the American death toll from the virus to 31 as gun owners persist in exercising a highly cautious approach to COVID-19.

"This virus is bad news. You have to protect your family," one man who shot another man on his front porch this week argued. "In my case it turned out to be an Amazon guy delivering some dog vitamins, but you can never be too careful."

"Why the guy didn't just leave the package and go instead of pounding on the door, I don't know," the man went on. "I could have swore he said, 'Coronavirus'."

According to a recent report, the trend of rising firearms and ammunition sales appears to correspond with news of the virus's spread.

"Maybe in China people are willing to just lay down and die in a mass grave, but that's not how we roll in America," remarked one gun owner. "I'd like to see that Coronavirus try to come into my house. I got a 12-gauge and a box of slugs with its name all over them."