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White House Latest: Doppelganger Pence Absconds with Nuclear Launch Codes
Breaking news from the White House reveals that a doppelganger Mike Pence has obtained the launch codes to the United States' nuclear missile arsenal and has since vanished.
The chimera Vice President, who looks identical to Pence except for an eye patch over his right eye, procured the codes from Donald Trump by way of a blackmail scheme that threatened to reveal to the press the revelation that Barron Trump isn't the Presiden't son, but was sired by Eric Trump - whose real father is actually the actor William Katt - during an affair the then 21 year-old scion was having with Melania Trump in 2005, according to sources inside the administration.
"Other than the eye patch, he (the doppelganger Pence), pronounces every word of each sentence backward," one insider said. "Also, he's obviously insane, but a little less odd than Mike."
Shrewdly intelligent and technically savvy, the doppelganger Pence not only has the nuclear codes and the ability to activate them remotely, potentially triggering a global nuclear holocaust, but has taken measures to prevent the codes from being changed, another leaker divulged.
"They can't be changed. They can't. He knows too much," he or she said.
Pressed for more details regarding the nature of the compromising information, the individual demurred.
"Let's just say it's something a certain Cabinet member did in college," they remarked.
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