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Researchers Using Drones to Watch You Masturbate
If you hear a buzzing outside your window that sounds like a swarm of bees, don't worry. It's likely just a surveillance drone attempting to record you while you masturbate.
Part of a nationwide study of masturbation habits, hundreds of drones have taken flight in cities and towns across the country to collect demographic-based data on which, how and how often Americans are masturbating.
"You might be surprised how many ladies enjoy pleasuring themselves," remarked one drone pilot purportedly associated with the study, "When they're all alone, in their living rooms or bedrooms with their favorite soap on or a little soft porn... oh yeah. We can only imagine what goes on in the bathroom - it's harder to see."
According to the study's initial findings, 58% of women between the ages of 18-35 with healthy physiques and nice breasts masturbate. The study has not yet compiled any data on old ladies or fat chicks.
Data collected from the drones also shows that an extrapolated 108% of males between the ages of 12-16 whack off, and do it to some pretty fucked up shit.
It is not clear who is conducting the study or why.
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