Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

Researchers Using Drones to Watch You Masturbate

If you hear a buzzing outside your window that sounds like a swarm of bees, don't worry. It's likely just a surveillance drone attempting to record you while you masturbate.

Part of a nationwide study of auto-erotic sexual habits, hundreds of drones are taking flight in cities and towns across the country to collect demographic-based data on American masturbatory patterns.

"You might be surprised how many ladies enjoy pleasuring themselves," remarked one drone pilot purportedly associated with the study. "When they're all alone, in their living rooms or bedrooms with their favorite soap opera or a little soft porn... oh yeah. We can only imagine what goes on in the bathroom - the windows are too small."

According to the study's initial findings, 58% of women between the ages of 18-35 with healthy physiques and nice breasts masturbate. The study has not yet compiled any data on old ladies or fat chicks.

Data collected from the drones also shows that an extrapolated 108% of males between the ages of 12-16 jerk off contantly, and do it to some pretty fucked up shit.

It is not clear who is conducting the study or why.

Read More

NRA Recommends Young Women Have Sex with Mentally Ill

Poetry Corner: With Former Red Army General Uri Pavlovich

Holographic Hitler Whips German Crowd into Frenzy