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Town Reverses Longstanding "Hugs Not Drugs" Meme to Fight Virus
WOODBRIDGE, NH - Flipping the script on a decades-old campaign, one small town in New Hampshire is now urging it's youth to choose drugs over hugs in order to fight the Coronavirus.
"After careful consideration, community leaders have decided that the unique circumstances posed by the COVID-19 pandemic have made hugs temporarily more dangerous than drugs, and are therefore encouraging kids to substitute narcotics and other mind-altering substances for the close personal contact that can potentially spread the virus," an official statement issued by the Woodbridge Mayor's Office read.
"It seems strange, but strange times call for strange measures," Mayor Scott Burns remarked. "Never in my 23 years of public service would I have ever imagined myself setting up pick-up stations where children can score free heroin and methamphetamines, but here we are."
Perhaps stranger still has been the adjustment curve Woodbridge parents have been experiencing getting used to the new policy.
"It was hard enough having my ten and seven year-old home all day from school, but now that they're all jacked up on crank, I think I'm starting to lose my mind," one mother shared.
Added the woman: "I know it's for the greater good, but I literally don't have a single dish left in the house. I think I might shoot them both."
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