Bully Con Takes in Millions of Comic Con Attendees' Lunch Money

Attendees of the first annual Bully Con convention in San Diego this weekend took in over 2 million dollars, organizers report.

Scheduled to coincide with Comic Con being held down the street, bullies from all over the world converged to share their love of torturing those weaker than themselves, and to steal their cash.

"Your average geek arrives at Comic Con flush with action figure and lunch money that can be acquired by means as simple as grabbing them by the throat and shouting in their face to hand it over," remarked Bully Con founder Henry Bowers. "It's like shooting gaywads in a barrel."

Despite its financial success, the spirit of Bully Con goes far beyond money, its participants are quick to point out.

"For me, it's all about grinding these little shits into a pulp," commented bully Scott Farkus Jr. "This year I punched a fat kid dressed as Captain America in the stomach and threw him into a dumpster. Who's ever heard of a Captain America with bitch tits?"

Highlights of this year's Bully Con included seminars by former agents of both the CIA and KGB, who offered attendees sophisticated mental torture techniques designed to maximize target suicide rates.

Reseda-based bully Johnny Lawrence lauded the convention: "It was more than I expected. I learned so much. For example, that as fun as it is to pound the crap out of some nerd-faggot, to become a true bully, one must draw from a diverse arsenal of both physical and psychological weapons to not only cripple the nerd-faggot's puny body, but also their dorkish mind and soul."