|Home||World||National||Opinion||Local||Entertainment||Home And Garden||Advice||Farts And Giggles|
Chargers to Replace Entire Cheerleading Squad in Attempt to Salvage Season
The 4-5 San Diego Chargers have fired all of their cheerleaders and will replace them with an entirely new group of girls, the team announced this morning.
Coming off a nail biting 20-19 victory against the lowly Kansas City Chiefs on their home field Sunday, management of the underachieving team says they hope the change will strike a spark under the blundering Bolts.
"Certainly these women aren't entirely to blame for our poor start, but the lack of spirit coming from the sidelines has definitely been a huge negative since the start of the season," remarked General Manager A.J. Smith.
Smith cited the former Charger Girls' complacent, low-pep attitude as a contributing factor in game 1, when San Diego succumbed to a late 68 yard scoring drive capped by a 14 yard touchdown pass by Jake Delhomme with 2 seconds on the clock to lose to the Carolina Panthers.
"It's games like those where you see what your cheerleaders are made of, and in this case it was pure crap," Smith scoffed, "When our side needed a shot in the arm most, these girls were sitting on their pom poms."
The comprehensive turnover of the Charger Girls is the latest chapter in a saga of a cheerleading squad in turmoil since last December, when former captain Kristi Chambers publically questioned the significance of who wins the Super Bowl in a "godless universe" before going on injured reserve with an existential crisis.
Meanwhile, those auditioning for the newly vacated spots on the Charger Girls roster are eager to step in and make an immediate impact on the team.
Exulted one especially enthusiastic candidate: "I just love the Chargers and can't wait to help cheer them on to scoring more points and winning more matches!"
|Disabled Athlete Doesn't Overcome Shit|
|Limb Dismemberment Craze Excites Teens, Worries Parents|
|Debate Corner - "I'm Not Gay" Vs. "Give Me Some Cock!"|
|We Must Pray Harder!
By: Clyde Murphy – Faith Based Little League Baseball Coach