“ACryForHelp.net" a Miserable Failure

Since its inception as a desperate plea to the world for acceptance and support by its mopey and oft suicidal host Russell Langdenbreuner, 24, ACryForHelp.net has proven to be nothing short of a complete and miserable failure, as what meager interest the website initially sparked has declined steadily and dramatically over time.

The site, which Langdenbreuner launched in a fit of violent despair in 2003 from his mother’s computer while she was away at work, enjoyed some early success in spite of its sloppy design and poor, insipid writing quality – as was apparent from the beginning in such inaugural postings as “She was the only one, now I am none” and “They used to call me Rusty, now they just don’t call” - and it's proprietor’s spirits rose slightly in line with his hit counter.

Unfortunately, the small popularity ACryForHelp.net managed to cultivate was both disingenuous and fleeting.  When the site was expanded to include a discussion forum dedicated to such egocentric topics as “Why Shouldn’t I? (Kill Myself)” and “Recent Nightmares I’ve Had”, the response revealed the true nature of the general audience - as is exemplified by the following representative thread:

Regardless, whether fortified by some hidden strength or driven by a new impulse of masochistic self-abasement, Langdenbreuner forged on with the site, posting his increasingly woebegone, nonsensical ramblings more frequently than ever while introducing new features, such as user polls like this one:

Langdenbreuner’s toils proved virtually worthless however as ACryForHelp.net’s overall traffic began to dip, then plummet, almost indirectly commensurate with the additional effort he was investing, as is reflected by the site’s traffic ranking, which dropped from a record high of 2,154,783 in January 2004 to a new all-time low of 6,340,831 in October before becoming immeasurable shortly after.

Sadly perhaps, it seems the shame of being responsible for such an embarrassingly lousy site as his has finally registered with Langdenbreuner, who posted the following farewell on his home page Saturday:

“In case there’s anybody out there, anybody who cares, I will no longer be updating this site as it has failed in its purpose of shedding some faint ray of happiness into my otherwise dark and dreary existence and has instead only brought more pain – Russell”

The valediction foreshadows an imminent end for ACryForHelp.net, which couldn’t possibly make a difference to anyone.