Self-Portrait of Founding Father's Penis Discovered in 18th Century Letter to Woman

A portrait of the first president's bulging penis believed to have been drawn by George Washington himself was found amongst heirlooms belonging to a Worcester, Massachusetts family this weekend.

Painted with oil paint on canvas, the 220 year-old picture features a fully erect Washington standing beside his horse, the fabric of his trousers straining to accommodate the force of his engorged phallus, and was accompanied by a letter peppered with arcane sexual references.

"My hickory stick yearns for the purchase of your fertile soil," the letter reads in part.

According to a receipt from the United States Post Office Department, the provocative post arrived at the home of Abigail Ferguson by horse twelve days after it was sent.

Though the response of the founding father's flame will likely never be known, the find establishes a prestigious precedent for the indelicate dalliances of modern men of high office such as Anthony Weiner.

"This sketch is no great shock. Like Weiner, George Washington had a weakness for immortalizing his johnson, much in the same way Thomas Jefferson and Arnold Schwarzenegger shared the same penchant for humping members of their staff," remarked historian Allen Clarke.

George Washington's penis portrait is the second major scandal to shake the foundations of US history this month after it was revealed two weeks ago that Walt Whitman possessed a collection of little girls' brassieres.