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Most Common Excuses Used by GOP Senators to Get Out of Impeachment Jury Duty

The Senate impeachment trial of President Trump convenes this week, and for a variety of reasons most Republican members of the upper chamber of Congress want to play no part. The following are the most common excuses members of the GOP have given to dodge their duty:

Have also once been accused of abuse of power / obstruction of justice / utilizing personal lawyer's underground foreign assets to assassinate an American ambassador.

Have a pre-planned trip to Uzbekistan for a "thing".

Dated a cop once?

Weak bladder.

Racially / theologically / morally biased against whatever you've got.

Weak bowels.

Just signed up for full course-load at local trade school to start new career as veterinary technician.

Constitution stupid. Trials boring.

Regularly fucking lead prosecutor.

God, Lord Jesus and possibly Judge Joe Brown the only magistrates whose authority over human fate recognized.

Kremlin won't give the time off.

Will be too busy binge-watching 'Chasing Cameron'.

Who could have an impeachment trial now with all the koalas dying?

Can't hear a damn thing.

Assumed impeachment was only for Democrats who lie about oral sex.

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