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12 Year-Old Girl Discovers Intrinsic Horror of Freedom, Pube

On a day darkened by an epiphany that opened her eyes to the intrinsic, horrifying implications of true freedom, 12 year-old Amber Wexler of Bridgewater, New Jersey also discovered a pubic hair on her crotch-area.

"I'd just come to realize that the inadmissibility of an externally motivated consciousness to retain the definition of consciousness disproves the notion of pre-determinism, making man a creature of free will afflicted with the burden of responsibility for all of his or her actions when I looked down my panties and saw a hair," Wexler said.

Wexler says that her initial realization soon propagated the understanding that the only remedy for the corrupting influence of freedom is the terror unleashed by a necessary abrogation of the dualism of good and evil, transformed in a principle that unites asceticism and dominion.

"I don't want the polarities of my mind and spirit to promote misery and bloodshed," Wexler lamented, "And I don't want a hairy vagina."

"I also don't want boobs," she said, looking down at her nascent breasts.

Although it seems fairly obvious that the young Wexler's aversion to the sight of her first pubic hair is born of the filament's potentiality as a symbol of the finite nature of one's own mortality – in particular the relative ephemerality of youth on the inexorable march towards death – but we'll spare pointing this out as she's had a rough enough day as it is.

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