God Recalls 9 Million Babies

God is recalling about 9 million babies for a variety of defects, the deity said Wednesday. The action will affect baby owners in every nation on Earth except for Nauru, San Marino and Vatican City.

The Supreme Being noted in a press release that the problems associated with the affected infants range from ventricular defects that prevent oxygenated blood from reaching the body to mis-sequenced genes that will lead to the accumulation of harmful gangliosides in the nerve cells of the brain.

God indicated that no action will be required of any parent of the recalled children as the babies will merely shrivel up and die.

"Owners of a recalled baby will be apprised of their status when one or more of their child's vital organs ceases to operate and they expire," God said in the release, "At which point they can be returned to Me simply by incinerating them, burying them in the ground, or whatever."

God denied that the recent increase in baby recalls is a consequence of over-production over the past several decades.

"No, as an omnipotent being I should be able to handle the workload," He said, "This is on me."

God went on to apologize for any inconvenience the recalls may cause.