Youngster's "Lemonade for Haiti" a Sham, Neighbors Claim

Stapelton, TX - Purported child philanthropist Brendan Vogel has gone from local media darling to a target of hostility and scorn after evidence that the pudgy 10 year-old embezzled resources from his unregistered charity "Lemonade for Haiti" surfaced yesterday.  

Vogel, whose ostensibly selfless generosity warmed the hearts of the Stapleton community, leading to long lines and large hauls of cash from lemonade and baked goods stands he set up throughout town over the last ten days, first came under scrutiny this Saturday, when a customer witnessed the boy misappropriating supplies.

"I saw a little girl doing all the work while this Brendan character sat scarfing down Rice Krispies treats," the anonymous tipster told the Stapleton Plain Dealer, "I confronted him, and he told me he was hungry. He was hungry, he says. Hungrier than the children in Haiti I might be expected to believe - if it weren't for that pot belly of his."

A tearful Vogel later rebutted the charge, claiming he was only taking a short break after working for over three hours, and that he'd eaten only one Rice Krispies treat.

Further investigation revealed more evidence of malfeasance however, after neighbors noticed the portly Vogel 'parading up and down the block on a brand new skateboard' Wednesday afternoon.

"You know who don't have expensive new skateboards?" queried one townsperson, "All those kids in Haiti – that's who."

A whimpering Vogel claimed afterward that he used funds derived from a recent birthday celebration to purchase the skateboard, adding that the tears streaming down his chubby cheeks weren't for him, but for those still suffering in Haiti.

"Nice try," quoted an unnamed Stapletonian, "I'd like to see that pasty-faced, chiseling faggot try to make another dime selling that watered-down swill in this town again – we'll see what happens."