Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

Middle-Aged Man Jots Masturbation Reminder Onto Back of Hand

48 year-old Rick Motter of Sarasota, Florida etched the letters 'JO' into the back of his hand with a ballpoint pen this morning, a quick reminder to his future self to masturbate later in the day.

"They say it's good for your health to ejaculate regularly, but my wife and I just don't have the time or energy to have sex as often as we used to," the busy loan manager and father of two explained. "So I figure I should probably jerk myself off, but then I forget."

Motter, whose father and uncle have both battled prostate cancer, plans to, "Definitely whack off," later this afternoon when he gets home from work.

"Providing traffic isn't too bad and I can get home before my wife gets our son Connor from soccer practice, I'll take care of business for sure," he said.

"Maybe think of my old college girlfriend Melissa, if I can remember what she looks like," he added.

Acknowledging that he could have used his Outlook calendar or smartphone to remind himself to masturbate, Motter shrugged.

"Whatever," he said. "Just as long as I don't hesitate saying that 'JO' stands for 'Japanese Olives' if someone asks at work.

Read More

    Scott Pruitt Vows to Continue Fight Against Environment in Free Time

    Def Leppard Replaces Drummer with One-Armed Mexican