Tips For How To Being Always Happy
By: The Typical Half Literate Twit Who Posts Her Shitty Writing On Helium.com

• Find someone you love to fall in love with and get married. Then stay together forever or until one of you dies. Loves makes you very happy, and even if you don’t die first you will at least still be alive.

• Always be expecting to be happy. If you do this good and one day feel unhappy, you should be highly surprised.

• Don’t live in Africa. Almost everybody who is living in Africa has been shot by a small child or is being raped, so don’t move there. And if you are living there now you should move somewhere else to live.

• Do what you love. If you love running a business, then run a business. If you love playing music, then play music. If you love being a doctor, then be a doctor. If you love to account, be an accountant. If you love to sell people insurance, get a job selling people insurance. If you love to sell houses, get a job selling houses. If you love to stop crime, be a police. If you love to hit a ball with a bat, be a baseball player. If you love to chase a man carrying a ball, be a football player. If you love helping people fill out paperwork they need to get their drivers license, work at the DMV. If you love to drive buses, drive a bus. If you love to design buildings, be a building designer. If you love to shoot people, be a soldier. If you love to install window blinds, be a window blinds installer. If you love to do the weather on television, get a job doing the weather on television. If you love to sell people shoes, get a job at a shoe store. If you love to clean houses, be a house cleaner. If you love to doing science, be a sciencetist. If you love to dig holes for dead bodies to go into, get a job at the cemetery. If you love to make suits, be a suit maker. If you’re like me and love to write, be a writer. And so
on.

• Don’t get cancer. Even though you can still be happy at times if you get cancer, it isn’t because you have cancer that makes you happy. Also don’t let people you know get cancer. Cancer should be avoided at all cost.

• Don’t be friends with people who are depressing. If you have a friend already who turns sad then stop hanging around them until they are not sad anymore.

• Make enough money to make you happy. Not enough money is bad, but too much money is also bad. When you don’t have enough money you can’t buy things you want, while having too much money you can buy too many things.

• Listen to music and movies that will be make you happy, not sad. Do your research because many movies you might think are happy turn out not to be so happy. For example World Trade Center and Schindlers List which was very nice until the end when so many of those people got away.

• Watch nature and children. They will make you very happy and inspired. But not the kind like tornadoes or tidal waves or kids who like to cut open cats to see what there insides look like.

• Look on the happy side. If something bad happen, look at what is good about it too. For example, if your back really hurt be thankful you have a back. If you get crippled, think of all the happy years you could walk.

• Don’t be exposed to sad things. There are lots of hospitals and places where homeless people and children who don’t having parents stay that are very unhappy. Stear clear of these places at all times!

• When you are getting dressing up in the morning don’t forget the most important acsessory before leaving the house in the morning: your smile!