Jack Daniels Promotes New Alcoholism Fighting Whiskey

The nation's largest distiller of whiskey suggests that it can now help combat alcoholism.

In a marketing campaign reminiscent of Subway and Taco Bell ads promoting the fat fighting power of their products, Jack Daniels is touting the sobriety promoting potential of its new 'Dry' brand of whiskey by spotlighting the life of an everyday substance abuser who has benefited from drinking the less intoxicating 72 proof liquor.

Since switching to Jack Daniels Dry last year, Cal Perkins, 36, has been arrested twelve times less than he was in 2008.

"I like to drink. I admit it. Sometimes I get drink (sic) six, seven, or eight days a week. I admit it," Barnes confessed, "I like to drink, but I don't know. My brother's a lawyer. Big fucking deal. Do you know who painted this building?"

Also appearing in the new product's first TV spot is Perkins' common law wife Darlene Suggs, 54, who credits Jack Daniels Dry with ameliorating her home life.

"Cal used to be a real mean drunk. Every night he'd drink two fifths of Old Chicken and beat the hell out of me," said Suggs, "Now he drinks two fifths of Jack Daniels Dry every night and is happy to stay on the couch and throw the bottles at my head."

Members of the medical community have been quick to call Jack Daniels' campaign into question however, arguing that slightly less booze doesn't necessarily equate to a healthy, functional lifestyle.

Commented addiction Specialist Joan Morrell: "It might be a small step in the right direction, but there's nothing inherently magical about Jack Daniels Dry. If you think about it, it's really just 10% less concentrated booze – less of a reduction than if you mixed regular whiskey with water, or just drank beer. "

Morrell added, "The fact remains – the only way for most alcoholics to achieve real sobriety is by substituting their alcohol addiction with a combination of cigarettes and exaggerated Christianity."