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Dying Child’s Play Costs Louisville Bowl Game – Coach Fired, Grave Desecrated

University of Louisville's Head Coach Bobby Petrino's post-game revelation that a preposterous play called at a crucial juncture in the fourth quarter of his side's 35-24 loss to Virginia Tech in the Gator Bowl January 2nd was made to fulfill the dying wish of a young boy has touched off a firestorm this week that has precipitated Petrino’s firing and the desecration of the child’s grave.

Petrino declared that he’d made a promise to Jimmy Cronan, 9, of Clarksville, Kentucky that he would run his play - a fake field goal that resulted in a fumble, apparently regardless of how idiotic it was, during a hospital visit with the boy December 30th, two days before Cronan passed away from complications related to cystic fibrosis.

Remarked Petrino in a press conference just hours before being fired Monday, “We might have lost the game, and little Jimmy might have lost his lifelong fight against cystic fibrosis, but in terms that dwarf the significance of the outcome of any one football contest I feel as though I am a winner as a human being for making that brave young man’s dream come true.”

Added Petrino: “I only hope he got a chance to watch up in heaven.”

Petrino's sententious words fell flat with university executives and fans however, as the former wasted no time in terminating his contract with the team while the latter has shown no mercy in their blistering denigration of both him and the dead boy.

“I’m glad he’s gone. The guy had shit for brains,” fumed one fan, who, when asked to clarify which he was referring to, Petrino or Cronan, responded, “Both. They’re both fucking idiots.”

Weighed in another disgruntled Louisville supporter: “I hope the kid saw it too, only I hope he saw it from hell where he should rot for eternity. I hope he saw what anguish his fucked-up bullshit play caused. I hope he saw the tears streaming down my own little boy’s face when the Cardinals lost, and I pray he felt the other thousands of hearts all breaking at once across Kentucky.”

Meanwhile, Jimmy’s urine soaked grave continues to accumulate more profanity-laden graffiti as vandals persist to ignore his mother Diane’s public pleas to let her son rest in peace while the local police even seem unwilling to intervene.

“Please, if you have any decency in your hearts leave my son’s grave alone,” implored Mrs. Cronan, “He was a wonderful boy and a true-blooded Cardinals fan who would never intentionally hurt their chances of winning. Besides, his play probably would have worked if their offensive line wasn’t so crappy.”

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