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Gay Protestors Throw Fit Over "Livable Wage"

Dozens of Wal-Mart stores and fast food restaurants around the country reported being picketed today by mobs of homosexuals confessing to their inability to live off of less than $8 an hour.

The protestors, who reportedly also included scores of female impersonators, demanded not only higher wages but the right to organize unions and be provided benefits, presumably to pay for sex hormones.

"I don't get it. I think people are just really spoiled these days," remarked the manager of a Wal-Mart in Knoxville, Tennessee, "Men used to live in the forest. They used to live in caves. They didn't have electricity, and they sure as heck couldn't afford a sex change."

An internet search confirmed that man lived in small nomadic groups subsisting primarily off wild plants and animals scavenged from the land for over 30,000 years, and that the first sex reassignment surgery wasn't performed until 1930.

Burger King spokesperson Kathryn Brown addressed the protests.

"For thousands of years man made no dollars an hour. He sustained himself solely on his own grit and braun," she said.

Added Brown: "This man had no cable TV, dental insurance or shoes. If he was cold he foraged wood and built a fire, and if he were alive todayto view the spectacle that unfolded today in front of BK headquarters, I believe this noble ancestor would throw up."

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