Roddy Townsend Suffers from Anal Itching

Roddy Townsend of Elkins, Indiana suffers from anal itching, his mother announced today.

Calling her son's condition "nothing to be ashamed of", Erica Townsend cited a desire to raise public awareness of chronic anal itching for her decision to come forward with her 13 year-old boy's story.

"Roddy is constantly scratching his bottom when he's at home. It's all he can do to resist the urge while he's at school, but once he gets home his hand goes straight down his pants. He can't help it, the poor thing," said Mrs. Townsend.

According to WebMD, anal itch can be brought on by a myriad of causes, including hemorrhoids, poor genital hygiene, inadequate wiping, and pinworms.

"We don't know yet what's responsible for Roddy's itch, but we've discovered that buying anything less than quilted double-ply toilet paper makes it much worse. The last time we got non-quilted I came home to find Roddy doubled over on the bathroom floor crying, his rear-end was hurting him so bad," Mrs. Townsend recounted.

Added Mrs. Townsend: "Also dairy. Roddy loves his mac n' cheese, but it tends to give him the squirty-poops, which I think helps aggravate his chafed toosh."

Despite her campaign to shed light on the problem of anal itching, everyone at Roddy's middle school denied sharing his affliction of being a disgusting fucktard.