Couple Regrets Inviting God into Bedroom

After having recently invited God into their bedroom, Doug and Amber Meese of Mountain Home, Arkansas now regret their decision, the Methodist couple says.

"We thought inviting the Lord into our marital chamber would bring us closer to Him, and that maybe He could give us some pointers on ways we could spice things up without incurring His wrath, but that just didn’t happen," Doug remarked.

Reportedly, God made his appearance as a throbbing orb of ethereal light on Saturday night after the conclusion of America’s Funniest Home Videos, the time of the week when the Meese's regularly become intimate, and proceeded to comport Himself in a crude, childish fashion.

"First of all, we found God's intense glow a bit off-putting since Doug and I prefer the room very dim to pitch black when we have sex, but I guess He can't help that," said Amber, "All the animal noises, however, were a completely different story. Those were not appreciated."

According to Amber, the Lord’s juvenile behavior began with His making a rude, albeit exact reproduction of a mooing cow when she emerged from the bathroom wearing the "Desperate Housecats" nightshirt she reserves for romantic Saturday evenings, and continued unabated throughout her coupling with Doug, whose smaller-than-average size penis and difficulty getting erect drew snide giggles from the Almighty that gave way to yawns and sarcastic booing when he quickly reverted to a flaccid state after a few feeble pumps.

"I'm not going to lie, having my sexual performance booed by God was definitely a low point, but I think that says more about Him than it does me," Doug said, "Specifically, that He’s an infantile jackass."

Whatever, says God.

"Like I don’t have any better way to spend my Saturday evening than to watch an impotent walrus try to fuck a moose," He said, "Seriously people, hit the gym before you invite me into your bedroom. It’s horrible."

God added: "Doug Meese is no man."