If You Don’t Watch Channel 5 News at Ten Tonight and Your Child Dies, You Have Nobody to Blame But Yourself

Tonight’s Channel 5 News at Ten will feature an installment that has direct implications on the health and well being of your child. This expose will elucidate the dangers of, possibly, any one of the following: a toy, type of food, terrorist plot, biological or chemical agent, or an environment that up until now you regarded as not being at all potentially dangerous such as a playground, chain of restaurant, or educational facility. The severity of the danger and its likelihood of occurring could range from mild and remote to incalculably extreme and imminent. Are you willing to take the chance? Are you, the self-proclaimed loving and caring parent, willing to gamble with your child’s life?

Perhaps you should ask yourself how you would feel if you had spent your half hour’s time between 10 and 10:30 tonight talking on the phone, reading a book or watching a television program other than Channel 5 News at Ten and the very next day your child came stumbling and moaning down the stairs with their hands full of their own entrails. How would you feel about that?

What if you didn’t tune in and a week later you get a call from the school principal saying that your precious little angel’s stomach exploded in the lunchroom cafeteria? Could you go on living with yourself then?

What if you have to go to work early in the morning and can’t stay up to watch the Channel 5 News at Ten and are too lazy and careless to exert the minimal effort of taping it to watch the next day and that little gift from heaven with your eyes, the rosy cheeks and laugh that makes you smile and sometimes almost cry, were to have his head flattened at a Chuckee Cheese’s birthday party that weekend because of your negligence? Bet you wouldn’t be so quick to fall asleep then. As a matter of fact, I’d wager you would have trouble sleeping at night from that day on. The buckets of baby’s blood would be on your hands. Even if your weren’t there that day you could imagine what the bone crushing sound must have sounded like, and it would constantly reverberate through your head all day long, torturing you, forever reminding you.

Fortunately, there is time to avert disaster. The opportunity is still yours to do all you can to keep your family safe.