World's Oldest Woman Marks Birthday, Curses God

Rosalyn Gancarczyk, recorded as the oldest person in the world, celebrated her 116th birthday this morning amongst family, friends and well-wishers in Salinas, California.

Demonstrating an amazing resilience of wit, Gancarczyk attributed her longevity to God.

"Ask the Lord," she said, resplendent in a black dress, dark shoes and a black veil, "That son of a bitch."

Gancarczyk sighed, then added: "Every morning I wake to see the sun shining through the window my heart sinks like a stone. I pray for death with every breath I take."

"Please Lord, you sadistic reptile, take me now," she says.

In view of such remarks, Gancarczyk's granddaughter Julianne Hunt, herself 76 years-old, credits her grandmother's "Somewhat off-kilter" sense of humor for helping her make it this far.

"Bullshit," retorts Gancarczyk, "In addition to a long, miserable life, God has burdened me with some of the worst people ever born as relatives. These people are idiots. If there is a heaven where we would all meet again, I hope I go to hell," she says.

Gancarczyk later delighted her party guests when she sullenly declined to blow out the candles on her strawberry chiffon birthday cake after being assured that it didn't contain any posion.