What’s New In Pleasant Cove?
Crime
Log:
Mar. 24 – Monica Webster, 12, and Dianna Morris, 13, both
of Sunny Meadow Lane were apprehended by Pleasant Cove security while
vandalizing a neighbor’s house with toilet paper. Their heads were
removed and impaled on posts at the community’s south gate where
they will remain until April 24 in accordance with the statutory penalty
codes of the Pleasant Cove Homeowners Association CCRs
Apr. 8 – After being observed by multiple witnesses jumping his skateboard onto and scraping the edge of the planter at the west entrance of the community club house, Justin Seinz, 15, was apprehended at his home at 840 Turtle Dove Court, secured to a tree and stoned to death. His head was then removed and impaled on a post at the community’s north gate
Apr. 12 – Susan Mays of 455 Gurgling Brook Lane was disfigured with pool cleaner and fined $500 for placing flowerpots on top of the balustrade outside of her front door after her plea of ignorance of the existence of CCR code 608.b was deemed pathetically inadequate by a jury of her fellow Pleasant Cove homeowners
April 15 –A lien was placed on the residence at 550 Tranquil Afternoon Road after its owner Matthew Perkins was cited for parking his Toyota Corolla in the driveway and was driven from the community riding backwards in the backseat of his unsightly budget car
In
Profile: Chuck Heinrich – Candidate for Pleasant Cove Estates Homeowners
Association President
"Although Pleasant Cove is already the best planned residential property
community in the county and arguably the state, if elected your next Homeowners
Association President I would take it as my most solemn oath to elevate
Pleasant Cove to the lofty height of being the most coveted place to live
in the entire universe. I believe that through the enforcement of mandatory
diligence, obedience and sacrifice, Pleasant Cove can achieve the mantle
of undisputed supremacy and ascend its rightful throne. As President,
I would enact new CCRs that would prohibit Asians and fat people from
moving into the community while giving existing residents who are overweight
six months to slim down before evicting them from their homes. I would
also place a comprehensive ban on ball bouncing, shouting, and arguing
of any kind in Pleasant Cove and increase the penalty for such major violations
to incur a live, meticulous impaling through the anus and neck so as to
avoid any major organs, insuring that the guilty die a slow, painful death
of dehydration while baking in the sun beside one of Pleasant Cove’s
major gated entry points as an assurance to prospective buyers that we
take the pursuit of excellence seriously. Pleasant Cove Uber Alles!"
Pleasant Cove Cares!
Neighbors of Rachel and Stewart Seinz gave their fellow Pleasant Cove homeowners a ‘house re-warming’ party last Sunday after the couple complied with a CCR bylaw that required them to spit upon, then throw the first rocks in the stoning death of their teenage son in order to be allowed to retain their property. Justin Seinz, 15, was found guilty of defacing a clubhouse planter with his skateboard earlier that weekend.
Commented Pamela Markley of 610 Chickadee Court: “Regardless of how heinous the crime was, I’d imagine that was a difficult thing to go through. I think the Seinz’s made the right decision, though. Pleasant Cove’s property values have outpaced the state average by 18 percent over the past ten years.”
Attendees of the party report that fresh fruit, white wine and rice krispie squares were served.
Other News:
• Residents are urged to be on the lookout for the last remaining Easter egg not found by the children during last Sunday’s Springtastic festivities. The egg should be located somewhere between Spring Lily Pond and the tennis courts on Gentle Dew Lane
• Springtastic events coordinator Annie Seaver of 1200 Misty Brook Road was decapitated and her head impaled on a post at the north gate for using real eggs in this year’s Easter egg hunt
• Michael Potter of 565 Lilac Breeze Lane was dragged behind a car until dead and his head impaled on a post at the west gate for insubordination after suggesting that leaving impaled heads on the gate posts for one month might damage property values by promoting odor and attracting flies
Until next time, stay cool Pleasant Cove!
