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Peyton Manning Sells Snap-Count Naming Rights to Olivegaysex, NH

Move over, Omaha. Peyton Manning's days of barking the name of Nebraska's largest city at the line of scrimmage might be over after it was announced that the star quarterback has sold his pre-snap naming rights for Super Bowl XLVIII to the town of Olivegaysex, New Hampshire.

According to insiders, Manning will earn $3,155 every time he shouts Olivegaysex during the big game after fundraisers for the town outbid Omaha and other front runners Bunghole, Wyoming, Fistergash, Arizona, and Isuckcock, New Jersey.

Olivegaysex representative Drew Peballs expressed his excitement over the opportunity to create some publicity for his town, which is literally not on the map.

"That's an oversight by the people at Rand McNally we're hoping to rectify," remarked Peballs.

Manning, who also announced signing new endorsement contracts with Olive Garden, Budweiser, Under Armour, Delta Airlines, Certainty Protective Briefs, Pulsar Intergalactic Space Travel, Wal-Greens, Libido Max, Procter and Gamble, Wells Fargo, Qinghai Dental Manufacturing, Sirius XM, Pearl River Pianos, Zarechnaya Mining Concern, Five Star Parking, Global Pharmaceuticals, Amalgamated Products, Neptune Submarines, Life Alert and Subway, told reporters he is equally looking forward to fulfilling the terms of his deal with Olivegaysex.

"It sounds like a real mouthful, but I'll try my best," Manning said.

 
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