John McCain Vows to Create 5 Million New Web Browsing Jobs

Presumptive Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain guaranteed an audience at the Omni William Penn Hotel during a finance luncheon Tuesday in Pittsburgh that his pro-growth tax policies would produce 5 million new web browsing jobs over the next ten years.

"Not only can these jobs be created without raising taxes for America's tax payers, but will actually be achieved through tax cuts," McCain said.

McCain projects his plan will be accomplished by lowering the corporate tax rate from 35% to 25%.

In addition to new jobs entailing the idle browsing, or "surfing" of the web, McCain predicts his plan will also generate new demand for instant messengers, personal MySpace technicians, office comedians, and people who'll spend most of the day trying to drive traffic to their blogs in contrast to the details of their official job descriptions throughout corporate America.

McCain campaign spokesman Joel Ridnour said, "In keeping with policies promulgated by Ronald Reagan, John McCain understands that the benefit of reducing the overhead currently stifling America's corporations will trickle down to middle class Americans in the form of quality new jobs that don't require an exorbitant amount of effort."

Predictably drawing comparisons to Barack Obama's proposed agenda of creating an identical amount of eco-friendly "green collar" jobs, McCain's plan is already resonating more strongly with voters than that of his Democratic rival's, which would prospectively generate its new positions in the environmental and construction industires performing such tasks as developing environmentally friendly energy sources, rebuilding highways, bridges, airports and other public projects.

"That sounds hard," remarked one American.