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Report: Santa Gives More Presents to 90210 than All of Bolivia
A startling new report shows that Santa gave more in total gift value to one Los Angeles neighborhood this Christmas than he did the entire country of Bolivia.
According to the just-released rundown of X-mas booty worldwide, children residing within the 90210 zip code of the affluent enclave of Beverly Hills raked in a total of $32 million worth of presents and goodies from Santa Claus this year, eclipsing the total haul of the landlocked South American nation by $3 million.
"Numbering less than 3,000, the children of 90210 received twice as many gifts as all of the 6 million kids who live in Guatemala and quadruple the amount received by the 5 million children in Burkina Faso," study lead David Baskin noted.
Added Baskin: "One 11 year-old girl who received a pony and over $50k in clothes, snowboard accessories and backstage passes to Ariana Grande exceeded the entire windfall of the Chiapas state of Mexico - which received in total from Santa this year just two scented candles, a Hannah Montana key chain and three chickens."
Santa, who rarely speaks publicly, surprisingly returned a request to the North Pole for comment, rejecting the notion of his own egalitarianism via an email to the world.
"I give less to poor children because they're lazy," Santa wrote. "White kids in America go to school and get good grades so that they can go to college and get good jobs while Bolivian boys and girls just sit around feeling sorry for themselves. Or so I assume. I'm actually not really omniscient."
"And what the hell is Burkina Faso, anyway?" Santa appended. "Wherever it is, fuck that place."
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