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Memorial for Everyday-Pedophile Roundly Ignored

GREELEY, CO - A memorial for everyday-pedophile George Sacapano, 52, failed to draw more than five people yesterday, an estimate that included possible employees of the AAA Best Mortuary where the event took place, according to a passerby.

Sacapano's death, in addition to failing to attract a single celebrity or family member, also failed to preempt national news coverage of political uprisings in Iran and Honduras, developments surrounding President Obama's proposed national health care plan, nor the war in either or Iraq or Afghanistan - in no small part due to the fact that he never demonstrated a marketable talent at any point of his life.

Though he held over twenty jobs during his lifetime, Sacapano was more well known for his penchant for molesting young boys in his mobile home, a habit which earned him severe public scorn that has subsided little since his passing.

"I remember that creep wore this lopsided wig (sic) looked like a woodchuck glued to his head and probably got his hand down the pants of half the boys in the trailer park before we caught onto him. A man like that don't deserve any memorial. Shovel his ass in a hole and get on with it," a former neighbor of Sacapano’s remarked without any regard to the six years he spent as a serviceable pipe fitter for the local public school system while living in the area. 

Citing the presence of several pills and a bottle of liquor near his body, Sacapano's death has been speculatively classified by police as a suicide in lieu of anyone in the county having the inclination to spend the time and money required to perform an autopsy.

"He killed himself, case closed," dismissed Colby County Sheriff Randy Watson, who, when asked why a still relatively young, albeit neither rich nor famous man such as Sacapano would want to kill himself, remarked: "I don’t know. Because he’s a fucking jerk, that’s why. Who cares."

Jennifer Young, one of the few people who bothered showing up to Sacapano's memorial, proffered a defense of her friend.

"George was a really nice guy. Very dependable, and very friendly. And sure, he might have molested some kids during his life, but why should that take away from all the other things?" said Young.

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