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Memorial for Everyday-Pedophile Roundly Ignored
GREELEY, CO - A memorial for everyday-pedophile George Sacapano, 52, failed to draw more than five people yesterday, an estimate that included possible employees of the AAA Best Mortuary where the event took place, according to a passerby.
Citing the presence of several pills and a bottle of liquor near his body, Sacapano's death has been speculatively classified by police as a suicide in lieu of anyone in the county having the inclination to spend the time and money required to perform an autopsy.
"He killed himself, case closed," dismissed Colby County Sheriff Randy Watson, who, when asked why a still relatively young, albeit neither rich nor famous man such as Sacapano would want to kill himself, remarked: "I don’t know. Because he’s a fucking jerk, that’s why. Who cares."
Jennifer Young, one of the few people who bothered showing up to Sacapano's memorial, proffered a defense of her friend.
"George was a really nice guy. Very dependable, and very friendly. And sure, he might have molested some kids during his life, but why should that take away from all the other things?" said Young.
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