Seven-Man Militia Repels US Military Invasion of Eastern North Dakota

A group of seven armed men repelled a large-scale invasion of eastern North Dakota by the US military this week, independent news agencies confirmed Sunday.

Commencing Wednesday night with a campaign of aerial bombardment launched from a group of warships operating in Lake Superior, a massive ground assault comprised of three armored battalions and over 5,000 infantry followed in a coordinated attack that was summarily rebuffed by Jon Mackey, Shawn Lawton, Ethan McAllian, Mike Allison, Tim Glover, Dave Coley and Ron Carter of Parsons, North Dakota.

"With all their scheming and plotting they didn't count on us," remarked Mackey, who suffered a sprained ankle and minor burns from the muzzle of his M-14 automatic rifle while defending his state from government tyranny.

Mackey reports having seen Predator drones circling the region as the government pins its hopes on unmanned attack aircraft to crush the resistance mounted by him and his friends, but says he isn't worried because they aren't listed.

"They'd love for us to go for that Myspace and phone book stuff, but we're not dumb. If they want us, they can come back and find us. We'll be ready – ready to defend our rights," Mackey said.

A clearly ill-humored Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Martin Dempsey seemed willing to oblige in remarks he made earlier today.

"We will have their freedom," Dempsey said.