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House Republicans Bolster Defense with Addition of Dikembe Mutombo

Congressional Republicans reinforced an already stingy defense with the addition of former NBA star Dikembe Mutombo to their House delegation today.

Mutombo, 47, joins the GOP after trouncing his Democratic rival Joanne McDermott in a special election to replace Virginia 12th District Representative Tom Bowers, who died in February.

A fearsome shot blocker on the basketball court, Republicans are counting on Mutombo to apply his rejection skills to Democrat-sponsored bills in Congress.

Remarked House Speaker John Boehner: "He's shown what he can do with basketballs, wads of paper and boxes of cereal, so we figure he can do the same with pieces of proposed legislation."

Mutombo's presence on the floor has already started paying dividends for the GOP as he wasted no time blocking his first bill this morning.

HR-2710, a bill sponsored by Democratic Representative Kimberly Duhon that would eliminate tax breaks which reward companies for offshoring American jobs, was summarily rejected by Mutombo, who swatted the sizable stack of papers comprising the bill into the startled Congresswoman's face.

"No, no, no," a grinning Mutombo admonished, wagging his finger, "Not in my house."

Polls show that the addition of Mutombo has boosted the confidence of Republicans nationwide, many of whom believe he could prove the difference in the GOP winning the 113rd United States Congress.

"Championships start with defense, and that's what Mutombo brings," commented one Republican fan, "Whatever bill the Democrats try to get passed, or even up for a vote, Dikembe's just going to shove down their throat. Hell yeah!"

 
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