Thousands of Senior Citizens Raped, Murdered by Obamacare

Thousands of senior citizens have been brutally raped and murdered under the Affordable Care Act, otherwise known as Obamacare, according to the findings of a recent independent study.

Extrapolated from the testimony of a several elderly men and women, the report estimates as many as 200,000 seniors have been sexually abused, murdered or abducted by Obamacare doctors.

Most of the Affordable Care Act's major provisions will be implemented this October or January 1st, 2014.

82 year-old Shelby Rogers recounted her harrowing experience with an Obamacare doctor she found on an online "insurance exchange".

"He was very hairy and smelled of garlic. He told me his name was Azagthoth," a trembling Rogers said, "I told him I only wanted a color and a trim. He put his tongue in my mouth and slashed my head with a razor. The next thing I remember I was lying in a pool of blood on my kitchen floor."

The report reveals that others haven't gotten away so lucky.

"Dr. Obama walked into my examination room with no pants on and a large erection," recalled Evelyn Schafer, 84, of Brookfield, Minnesota, "He raped me, then strangled me to death."

Schafer reported that her friend Rose Dekker went missing after seeing the same doctor, but Decker was later found at a local cemetery where she was buried in 2007.