Debate Corner: Abstinence - Should You Wait Until Marriage?

I'm Not Going To Hell, And I Guess That's What Counts Most
By: Noelle Chandler

As a person who respects herself, the sanctity of marriage, and above all else the Lord Jesus Christ, I never considered for an instant the idea of "going all the way" before my wedding day, and guess what? I didn't! Yay me! Yes sir, I waited nineteen years (the last few being the hardest ;) until my high school sweetheart Derrick finally popped the question and we got married, and although the first time we "did it" was so awful I haven't let him touch me since, I can at least take consolation in the fact that I'm not going to hell.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my husband, and I'll let him make love to me again whenever I'm ovulating and want a baby, but as I've already established, sex with him just wasn't that great. Kind of like going to the doctor or dentist. First of all, he wanted me to take my nightgown completely off, which I rejected right away, and whereas before he had kissed me with his tongue once or twice for a couple of seconds while we were dating, he seemed intent on sucking the fillings right out of my teeth on our honeymoon! Yikes! And if that wasn't gross enough, he asked me to perform oral favors on him (or as he put it, "Kiss my thing"), which I initially resisted citing my lack of knowledge regarding Jesus's position on such activity, but eventually relented to after enduring about 10 minutes of his begging. So I pulled down his shorts, and oh my God, I know it was kind of bad of me to do, but I started to laugh. I couldn't help it though - it was the first time I'd seen a penis in real life and it looked kind of funny! Suffice it to say, Derrick didn't find the humor and prodded me on to do what he'd asked, so in an attempt to be an obliging wife I gave it a couple short licks, but that's all I could stand. It was just so icky!

So finally we got down to real business, and I have to admit, I was shaking with anticipation, only it turned out to be for nothing. I mean, after an initial twinge when he first put his thing in me, I could hardly feel anything, and before long it was over and Derrick disappeared into the bathroom. So in conclusion, I say definitely wait for marriage since sex is totally overrated in the first place! ;)

You Have To Be Some Kind Of Idiot To Abstain Until Marriage
By: Derrick Chandler

Allow me to get right to the point: my wife's vagina is freaking HUGE. We're talking Lincoln Tunnel big. You ever go to the Grand Canyon and toss a hot dog over the side? That's kind of what it's like to fuck my wife.

Hey, and guess when I discovered this partially relevant, somewhat significant little tidbit? If you answered 'on your honeymoon' you're a grand prize winner! And I'm a complete loser. What a gigantic douchebag I am. Possibly big enough to quench my new wife's galactically enormous pussy, but I'm not sure. Probably not, because as I believe I've mentioned already, it's really, really big. Seriously, after five minutes of fruitless pumping the first and only time she's let me near her, I had to go finish myself off in the toilet.

But it doesn't end there. It might even be okay that my wife's vagina is large enough to accomodate a 747 if she compensated with her oral skills, but no. The woman went down on me like my dick was a frozen flagpole - one tentative lick, a sigh of relief, and back up she came. Ridiculous.

So what's the moral of the story? Sample the merchandise before you buy. You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first, would you? After all, you might end up with a lemon - or in my case, a wife who's genitalia have sixty years to go before they could accurately be described as acting their age.

I am in hell.