June 6 , 2006          [home]  [contact]  [links] [disclaimer] [boycott list]

Ask Angelina Jolie

Dear Mrs. Jolie,
Do you think providing more education for children in Third World countries would be a good thing or a bad thing?

Monica Gerrard,
Kansas City, MO

Dear Monica,
Thank you for the opportunity to answer such an important question. I believe that education is a very good thing for all children because it provides them with the knowledge they need to improve themselves. Statistics show that children who receive an education are more likely to achieve a higher level of success in life as they grow up, so therefore it is a good thing.


Dear Mrs. Jolie,
I really love my wife, but sometimes she gets on my nerves and I find myself smacking her around. For example, the other day I found out she didn't return a video we'd rented on time and I threw her through a closet door. I feel like I've done something wrong after one of these episodes, and my wife has told me on several occasions that she doesn't like it, but my friend (who's name I won't mention) said nothing is wrong with slapping your woman around now and then and that deep down they respect you for it because it keeps them in line. What do you think?

Travis Plotz,
Truman Falls, MA

Dear Travis,
Beating your wife or anybody else is very bad. Travis, everybody gets frustrated with their mate from time to time - for instance, I got really annoyed awhile back when Brad flew our private plane to Philadelphia on a whim to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers when I needed it the next morning to go to Prague for a UN summit on Third World debt relief, but I didn't beat him up, I just took our other plane. A good rule of thumb that I use before doing something is to ask myself how I'd like it if someone was doing the same thing to me. Would you like it if someone bigger than you punched you in the face? I doubt it.


Dear Mrs. Jolie,
I hope you can settle a bet I have going with a friend over something we've been unable to resolve. My friend contends that seatbelts help save lives in the event of a car accident while I say that they prevent you from being ejected safely from the wreck upon collision. Who wins the ten bucks?

Stewart Trolley
Dayton, OH

Dear Stewart,
I'm afraid your friend wins the ten dollars. Statistics prove that seatbelts do indeed increase your chances of surviving an auto accident. I guess that's why they're sometimes called "safety belts"!


Dear Mrs. Jolie,
As a fellow pregnant woman, I have a question about prenatal care. You see, I'm the kind of gal who enjoys a cocktail or three or four at the end of the day (and sometimes the beginning), and now that I'm expecting I've found it hard to give up the hard stuff and stick to just beer because I don't really like the taste. So I guess my question is, does booze really harm a baby when it's inside you, or is that just a bunch of PC balderdash?

Samantha Robinson,
Portland, OR

Dear Samantha,
Actually, drinking at all when you're pregnant is really bad. If you can't quit you should seek help because it is really unhealthy for your baby and it can come out differently abled. Cut it out Sam!

Baby's first TV - 36" Sony now
plasma flat screen - $1,299.99
at Best Buy
Lost Father – white male, early
80s. Left house for Frank
Sinatra concert at Burger King,
never returned. Last seen
wearing yellow polka dot dress,
pink sun hat. Call 785-9068.