Thanks For The Kidney Honey, But I Think We Should See Other People
By: Mr. Sensitive

Hi honey, how are you feeling this morning? Still a bit under the weather from the transplant, huh? Well, the doctor said it would take a couple of months. Surprisingly, I'm feeling a lot better. Better than I have in years thanks to you, and although I've said it once before, I want you to know that I'm totally grateful for the kidney you gave me that saved my life, but I'm afraid I have something else to discuss with you now. You see sweetheart, I think we should start seeing other people.

Now before you get all upset, let me just say that I still love you and that you will always hold a special place in my heart. Honestly, I've never felt the same kind of compatability with any other woman that I have with you, and I'm not just talking about our blood types and major histocompatibilty complexes, either. Ha ha, just a little joke there, but anyhoo... as I was saying, it's not you, it's me. I guess I've just been feeling a bit stifled lately, a little suffocated, if you will, and think I need some 'me time', you know?

Listen, I know we just had a baby together last year and I can see how this might have given you the impression that there was some kind of implicit commitment being made on my part as a result, but what can I tell you? I really like Brendan, and don't get me wrong, he's a cute little guy and I hope to maintain a relationship with him that I'll cherish for a lifetime, but I'm just saying, as of now, I feel I need a little time to myself with some new women.

Oh come on lumpykins, don't cry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt you, but who can account for the capriciousness of human affection? As Woody Allen said, "The heart wants what the heart wants." But I swear to you, on my mother's grave, that none of this is your fault. This is all on me. The weight you've put on in the last few weeks and your non-existent sex drive as of late had nothing to do with it at all, honestly. Really, there aren't any other reasons that I haven't mentioned already for me wanting to see other people, like your sister Charlene for instance, so let's just leave it at that.

What? How could you say such a thing to me? You know what? Fine. I thought maybe we could possibly get back together sometime in the future, but if you're going to use that kind of language, you can just forget it.

Later, bitch.